Schoolin' and Quiltin'.

Boy it was a cold blustery day in Las Vegas

today.  When that cold wind blows, it makes

me all the more glad that my Lukey and I

are cuddled up next to each other on the

bench . . . He is busy with his studies and

I am either studying myself or sewin' on

a project or two.  

Today when Luke took his a little break,

I had a moment to score on some fabric

for my next quilt project at 40% off.

Pretty.sweet.deal.

With all that our little family has 

been through, I am so very grateful that

we have the opportunity to homeschool

our kiddos!!  It most definitely helps in

the healing process!

We count our many blessings and are

so grateful for our family and friends.

Loving that as we begin our weekend,

we have our support team!!! 

Approvals.

Mercy me.  You would think that my dissertation

entailed vaccinating half of the population 

and performing open heart surgery on the

other half.  Goodness.  Waiting for approvals,

stinks!!  My principals, teachers, and 

parents are good to go.  Waiting, waiting,

waiting for the district stamp of approval!!!

I.love.waiting.  In case you have always

wanted to know . . . this is what a 

dissertation notebook looks like!!!!!

Scrappin'.

 My sweet Luke gave me an awesome new

quilting book for CHRISTmas!!!  Had

circumstances been different . . . I would

have probably made every single one of

the quilts in the book by now!!!

 Tonight I cut the squares and strips

for my new project and am ready

to roll!!!!

 I do so love my vintage-esque fabric . . .

. . . I also love making a big pile of scraps.

It looks productive don'tcha think!!!

On the recovery front:  Recovery is MUCH

MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH slower than

I had ever expected.  This coming from a girl

who could take pretty strong sucker punches

and bounce back within moments.  Losing

my wonderful husband of 28 years . . . quite

a different story.  I could never understand

when people would say that all they could

do was to concentrate on their next breath.

I can understand that now.  I could never

understand when people said that they had

to concentrate on just putting one foot in 

front of the other.  I can understand that now.

I could never understand intense physical

pain over losing someone you love so

very very much.  I can understand that now.

I am learning to not expect as much from

myself as I have in the past.  I am learning

that the term "baby steps" can mean

overdoing it.  I am learning a new kind

of loneliness.  I do not like it.  I am 

learning about the unconditional love of

our sweet boys.  I.love.that!!

A sweet friend sent me this note today:

Grief's unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back. The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined.

Please don't rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal; it is necessary. 

"It's been seven years, and I'm still going through it," says Dr. Larry Crabb, whose brother died in a plane crash. "I don't know if it's a very holy thing to admit, but when someone says, 'Well, it's been a week, a month, a year--Larry, for you it's been seven years. Get a grip. Where's your faith in Christ, for goodness' sake?' I get really angry.

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."

We read in the Psalms that David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God's hands. 

"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" (Psalm 6:2-4).

"I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief" (Psalm 6:6-7 NASB).

Heavenly God, I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank you that I don't have to. Comfort me and support me as I lean on You. Amen.

What Were We Thinking?!?

What oh what were we all thinking as we

were waiting for our Sam to set the

camera up to take our family pics such

a very short time ago?!? I know one thing

for certain our Jesus knows.  I would so

love those strong hands to be on my 

shoulders right.this.very.second to guide

and protect me as they always have.

Not a second goes by that I do not thank

the Lord for giving our wonderful

husband and Dad to us . . . even if it were

for a much shorter time than we had 

anticipated or wanted.  There are so 

very very many things that I miss about

our Dad, way tooo many to list.

It is a blessing that our good Lord 

quickly makes faint the thoughts of

suffering and pain and replaces them

with only pleasant memories and 

remembrances.  The wind has been taken

out of my sails, but I know that my

Jesus would not give me more than I 

can bear.  I am counting on that.

S.u.n.d.a.y.

 Our crew loves Spring Mountain Ranch.

We took a little drive up there this

weekend.  The boys and I agree that

our Family Sunday will most definitely

need major revamping.  We are not 

sure how to accomplish this, but we 

are seriously praying about how to 

make Sundays easier to navigate.  

Sundays were our family day. It is

our one day each week that we set

aside for each other before the hectic

week begins.  Sundays are full of coziness,

M&Ms, waffles, whipped cream . . . 

Pray as we think how to make Sundays

easier.  Tomorrow marks back to 

reality for Luke and I as school returns

in full swing.  Sam and Zach still have

another couple of weeks before their

classes begin.

We continue to be thankful for God's

grace which includes helping us

put one foot in front of the other.

Losing a wonderful husband and

awesome Dad is much more difficult

than imaginable.  Our boys and I continue

to be grateful for our many blessings 

which includes wonderful family and

friends.  We are grateful for those who

remind us that grieving has nothing to

do with our Christian walk and that

the pain of loss is real and intense. 

Balloons for Our Dad.

One month.  In some ways it seems 

like only moments ago.  In others it

seems like an eternity has passed since

our sweet husband and Dad passed

away.  Most of the time I simply 

do not believe it . . . at.all.

 Today the boys and I took balloons

to one of our very favorite spots.

We wrote notes and attached them

to the balloons . . . 

and let them soar . . . 

It was a bittersweet experience, as

most of them are lately.  Bittersweet.

I feel as though we deserved a "chip"

or something as do those who have

participated in any 12-step program

for 30 days . . . No chip, just a

reassurance that our wonderful 

husband and Dad is where he needs

to be and we are still here on this

earth doing what the Lord intends us

to do. Surreal. Most.definitely.

"As high as heaven rises above earth, so

his gracious love strengthens those who

fear him." Psalm 103:11

Breakfast.Lunch.Dinner.

 Our crew LOVES a big hearty breakfast.

Actually our boys can eat almost anything,

anytime, anywhere.  Mike and I have always

enjoyed getting up and cooking a big

breakfast for everyone to get the day started

and hopefully sustain them before pre-lunch,

lunch, snacks . . .

It has been crazy as the boys and I have 

stayed up until the wee hours of the morning.

Breakfast has been served about 2:00pm

lately!  We are in for a very rude awakening

as school begins next week!!  Yikes!!

Love my boys and love that they love to

be home and cozy as we navigate brand

new waters.  They have extended much

grace and mercy to me . . . I bet that they

had a great example!!!