Scrappin'.

 My sweet Luke gave me an awesome new

quilting book for CHRISTmas!!!  Had

circumstances been different . . . I would

have probably made every single one of

the quilts in the book by now!!!

 Tonight I cut the squares and strips

for my new project and am ready

to roll!!!!

 I do so love my vintage-esque fabric . . .

. . . I also love making a big pile of scraps.

It looks productive don'tcha think!!!

On the recovery front:  Recovery is MUCH

MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH slower than

I had ever expected.  This coming from a girl

who could take pretty strong sucker punches

and bounce back within moments.  Losing

my wonderful husband of 28 years . . . quite

a different story.  I could never understand

when people would say that all they could

do was to concentrate on their next breath.

I can understand that now.  I could never

understand when people said that they had

to concentrate on just putting one foot in 

front of the other.  I can understand that now.

I could never understand intense physical

pain over losing someone you love so

very very much.  I can understand that now.

I am learning to not expect as much from

myself as I have in the past.  I am learning

that the term "baby steps" can mean

overdoing it.  I am learning a new kind

of loneliness.  I do not like it.  I am 

learning about the unconditional love of

our sweet boys.  I.love.that!!

A sweet friend sent me this note today:

Grief's unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back. The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined.

Please don't rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal; it is necessary. 

"It's been seven years, and I'm still going through it," says Dr. Larry Crabb, whose brother died in a plane crash. "I don't know if it's a very holy thing to admit, but when someone says, 'Well, it's been a week, a month, a year--Larry, for you it's been seven years. Get a grip. Where's your faith in Christ, for goodness' sake?' I get really angry.

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."

We read in the Psalms that David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God's hands. 

"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" (Psalm 6:2-4).

"I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief" (Psalm 6:6-7 NASB).

Heavenly God, I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank you that I don't have to. Comfort me and support me as I lean on You. Amen.