My sweet Luke gave me an awesome new
quilting book for CHRISTmas!!! Had
circumstances been different . . . I would
have probably made every single one of
the quilts in the book by now!!!
Tonight I cut the squares and strips
for my new project and am ready
to roll!!!!
I do so love my vintage-esque fabric . . .
. . . I also love making a big pile of scraps.
It looks productive don'tcha think!!!
On the recovery front: Recovery is MUCH
MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH slower than
I had ever expected. This coming from a girl
who could take pretty strong sucker punches
and bounce back within moments. Losing
my wonderful husband of 28 years . . . quite
a different story. I could never understand
when people would say that all they could
do was to concentrate on their next breath.
I can understand that now. I could never
understand when people said that they had
to concentrate on just putting one foot in
front of the other. I can understand that now.
I could never understand intense physical
pain over losing someone you love so
very very much. I can understand that now.
I am learning to not expect as much from
myself as I have in the past. I am learning
that the term "baby steps" can mean
overdoing it. I am learning a new kind
of loneliness. I do not like it. I am
learning about the unconditional love of
our sweet boys. I.love.that!!
A sweet friend sent me this note today:
Grief's unexpected turns will throw you again and again. You may feel that for every step forward, you take at least one step back. The grieving process generally takes longer than you ever imagined.
Please don't rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal; it is necessary.
"It's been seven years, and I'm still going through it," says Dr. Larry Crabb, whose brother died in a plane crash. "I don't know if it's a very holy thing to admit, but when someone says, 'Well, it's been a week, a month, a year--Larry, for you it's been seven years. Get a grip. Where's your faith in Christ, for goodness' sake?' I get really angry.
"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."
We read in the Psalms that David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God's hands.
"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" (Psalm 6:2-4).
"I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief" (Psalm 6:6-7 NASB).
Heavenly God, I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank you that I don't have to. Comfort me and support me as I lean on You. Amen.
