Grief counselors call them triggers. Triggers are
those things that are like little daggers to your
heart and bring on an ambush of feelings about
the loved one you have lost. There are about
fifty bazillion triggers that bring these feelings
about my sweet Mike. If I see a truck that looks
like his driving down the street, the tears flow,
if I hear songs on the radio, it is difficult to hold
tears back . . .
Mike knew how much I loved
carmel dip on just.about.anything. He purchased
this carmel dip about a month before he
went to Heaven. I have it tucked behind other
items in the pantry, but every so often it
sneaks up . . .
To this point, I really have not moved or
touched ANYTHING let alone pack up or
donate any clothing or personal items. Seeing
these glasses in his medicine cabinet . . . The
ones that always had shaving cream on the
ear pieces . . . a definite trigger. I cannot move
the soap in the soap dish in the shower . . .
plus about a million other things.
Losing your spouse is just about one of the
toughest things that I can ever imagine.
Losing my sweet Mike still seems pretty
surreal to me. I do think that I am still teater
between shock and denial. I really simply
do not want to believe it.
I must say that our wonderful Lord has
provided me with wonderful family and
friends . . . old and new. He has brought
people in to my life that I would have
never imagined. He has allowed me to
grow in areas that I never imagined.
Yep, I am sure that I will have these
triggers the rest of my entire life. Triggers
that bring back to my mind very quickly
my Mike. As we recover, we continue
to talk about our wonderful husband and
Dad each and every day. I can tell when
one of the boys is especially missing him.
Things will NEVER be the same. That is
difficult to realize. We are beginning to
understand that we must accept our "new
normal" and listen as the Lord leads and
prompts us.
For a girl with a storybook life, this is
very difficult to accept . . . I spend many
hours each and every day in prayer and
devote much time to LISTENING . . . which
has NEVER been one of my strong suits.
